Love me, Hate me
by Peter Halliwell
Summary: SLASH! TroyXOC; first slashy fic. Be Brutal. :P some alcohol usage... HMMM... YOu were warned! Don't like... Well i could give a rat's black @ss less. :D
1. Study Time

I walked up the stairs of the house. It looked a little Victorian and had a living room window. I laughed in my head that I was going to _his_ house. I had known him for a little while, almost two months. He was a little taller than me…tan…beautiful eyes, deep blue. He had a grand smile and he made me shudder. But he was only a friend. I was supposed to go to house to study for a chemistry exam on Monday. Fridays made me dull for some odd reason. I walked up to the door and knocked. I turned on my heel and looked out into the skies. It was clear and sunny. A little warm. Good thing I wore shorts. I had on a light green shirt. I was going to wear a Hollister one but I didn't want to come on to strong. I wore phoenix axe and I was ready for life to take me. I thought I heard bouncing in his backyard.

"Hey," he said cheerily from behind me. He had a white muscle t-shirt on and some black basketball shorts on. He was sweating juice. I starred at he shirt were sweat spots were. "Sorry, I was doing lay ups in the back." he smiled.

"It's cool."

"Come in. my mom left us to ourselves. She had some things to take care of at her job." he closed the door behind me. Walked in and looked around. Lime green walls, wood paneling on the rims, top and bottom, tan leather couches. It looked as if he moved in a week ago, it was so clean. He walked into his kitchen and I followed outside. He had a wide back yard and a blacktop. He had one hoop.

"You play?" he asked laughing checking me out.

"A little." I smirked.

He went for the ball and he checked me the ball. I watched it fly pass me and he laughed. "What are you afraid? It's not going to bite." I started to laugh with him.

"Hey, I thought we had a test on Monday?" I said sarcastically.

"Oh, yeah. Come on. I'll show you my room." before he went in he took of his shirt. Showing his bare chest, ripped muscles and his big round, hard nipples. I was shocked at the sudden impulse to grab him, bang him on the counter, making him eat the green tender apple in the bowel on the table. And he turned and I looked around. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"No just thinking." I should've said I wanted him. "It's up here." he watched me go upstairs he followed behind me. His stairs wrapped around, and I came to a hall on my left and right.

"Right." I turned and there were two rooms. " The door on the left." as I walked in I was left blanked faced. His room was covered in blue. His bed sheets were a deep blue. On his ceiling, clouds were painted to mimic the lustrous skies. His carpet in his room was a bright aqua. He had a bookshelf on the far wall full of thick, hardcover books. His bed was in front of a window. The window was medium sized and the curtains were opened, shinning light on the bed. His closet was organized, clothes on hangers. Bottom's on one side, top's and coats on the other. "You can put your bag on my dresser if you. Be right back." he slid pass me and left the room. I heard him going downstairs. I looked at this skinny rack. It held music CD's…_Pussycat Dolls…Akon…Beyonce…Fallout Boy…Three Door's Down... some evanescence,_ and some other particular ones.

"Here." he said behind me made me shoot up and yelp. He busted out laughing.

"You okay, man?" he said with uncertainty. He _actually _thought something was wrong.

"I'm okay. I just get scared easily. That's all. I'm good." I was barely catching my breath.

"So…you have any homework I can help with or do you just want to study?"

"Well I do have a 4 page AP English essay, but I guess I can do that at home." I smiled at his shocked expression.

"So onto studying?" He asked.

I nod and unzip my bag. I pulled out the Chem. book and opened it to the page I marked earlier. He handed me our study packet. We start were we left off in class.

"It's too quiet." He says getting up and going over to his stereo. He puts in a CD and sits back on his bed next to me. Jordan Sparks poured out of the stereo. "I thought you might like this." He said scooting closer to me until his body was touching mine. I felt my heart rate quicken and I struggled to stay composed.

I turn my attention to the book, hoping to drive out my thoughts with Chemistry. 'No Air' came on first. I felt his warmth emanate from his body like flames. I tried to speak, but the words got caught in my throat. I took a deep breath, and then tried again. "So when we mix Silver with Sulfur we get what?"

He didn't answer, so I looked at him. He was staring at my face, gaze moving from my lips to my eyes. He bit his lip slightly, and moved closer. His face was close enough for me to feel his hot breath dance around my neck. I blush and look deep into his eyes. He leans in and gently plants his lips on mine, just enough to create that spark. I pull back, mind whirling.

"Troy. I-"

His lips gently, and passionately caressed mine. I slowly gave into the kiss and my body tingled with a new emotion, unfamiliar to me.

Troy pulled back, leaving me longing for more. Yet at the same time I was scared.

_He kissed me. And I liked it. A guy kissed me. OMG. Is he? Am I now?_

"I have to go." I say, stuffing my crap into my bag.

"Chris. Wait. Don't leave."

"I'm sorry." I say slinging my bag onto my shoulder and practically sprinted out of his house.

**(A/N: Push that little purple button and make me happy.)** And sorry about the remedial Chemistry thing there. It's 1:30 and im really tired. Yet i can't sleep... HMMM.. Insomnia is a wierd thing...


	2. Thoughts, Tears, and Tanking

I sat on my bed thinking about what had happened. _Troy kissed me. And I liked it. A lot. Does this make me gay? Is Troy gay? Well of course he is. He kissed me. Oh my god, this can't be happening. Not now. I just moved here. This was supposed to be my new start. I can't be gay. I like girls. Oh my god. What is wrong with me?_

My phone erupted in a melody of Mary J. Blige. No more Drama poured from the phone's speakers.

How ironic. I find myself here in this situation. With THAT playing... I Really need to download new ringtones that don't make me want to crawl in a corner and cry myself to death.

I picked up my phone and looked at it. It was another call from Troy. I pushed ignore for the twelfth time. A minute later the signal for a new voicemail sounded. I dialed the voicemail.

"**You have 5 new messages. First new message:**

"Hey Chris, its Troy. I don't know what happened earlier. I'm just as confused as you probably are. I'm really sorry. So when you get this call me, and we can talk about it." I pushed the skip button. "**Next new message:** "Hey. It's me. Please call me. We need to talk about what happened." Again skip. "**Next new message:** "Hey are you ok? You haven't called or texted and I haven't heard from you. I just want to make sure your ok. Call me." "**Next new message:** " I'm getting worried. Call me please." "**Next message:** "It's been almost two days, and still nothing. Please. I'm going crazy. I need something to tell me that you're all right. If you had run off and done something stupid because of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Just call me. Please."

"Wow, you're on the phone?" A familiar voice drifted from my now open door. I turned to see my best friend, Lana. "Which is surprising seeing how you wont return my calls."

I tried to speak, but all that came out was a choked grumble. She sat down next to me.

"What's wrong honey?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and managed, "This guy. Troy."

"What happened? Are you ok?"

"No." A single tear rolled down my face, which triggered a waterfall.

She wrapped her arms around me, firmly and comfortingly. "He kissed me." I said, between sobs.

"Oh.? Oh..! Oh…"

"I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I think I like him, but I've never felt like this before."

"Well first thing you have to do," she said as she lifted my head, so she could look into my pink eyes, "you have to stop crying. Before I start."

I laugh and she wipes the tears off my face.

"Boys like girls. Girls like boys. Boys aren't supposed to like boys." I said, eyes still watering and spill their excess down my cheek.

"Love is a funny thing. It's not racist, or sexist. But when it happens, you will know."

"How?"

"You will just feel it."

"So what do I do know?"

"Well you need to talk to Troy. Just tell him how you feel."

"So its ok to hit him?"

"Are you angry at him?"

"Yes. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be feeling like this."

"I would advise against that, honey. You want to solve this, not create more problems."

"Your probably right." I smile.

"Ok. First lets call him. We can work from there." She grabs my phone and hands it to me. I take it and go to my recent calls. I pushed the call button. I put it on speaker, so Lana can hear too.

He answered on the second ring.

"Hello? Chris?"

"Yeah."

"Thank god! I was calling and calling, but you never answered. I was so worried about you. Are you ok?"

"Kind of."

"Well do you want to talk about it?"

I look at Lana who nods her head. "Yeah."

"Look I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. It was like an impulse I couldn't control. I don't know how to explain it. It just happened. You aren't mad at me are you?"

"No. not really."

"You sound like you were crying. Are you sure you're ok? Do you want to come over? Or would that be weird?"

Again I turn to Lana. She mouthed the word 'Go'. "If you want me too."

"Ok. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"No. I have a ride."

"Ok. See you in a minute."

"'Kay."

I hung up the phone.

"Ok. I will take you. But first you need to get dressed. I know you're hot, but he might not want to see you in your boxers. But on second thought, he just might."

We laugh. "You are so not helping." I smile and walk over to my messy, yet somehow organized closet. I grabbed my favorite pair of blue jean shorts, and my red Lacoste shirt. I laced up my red and white Jordans, and slid them onto my feet. I grabbed my black Sidekick and placed it into my pocket. I left my house, and climbed into Lana's white convertible Mustang. She turned the car on, and pulled out of my driveway. We head for Troy's house, sealing my fate.

"I can't do this. Take me back home." I say to Lana as we pull into Troy's driveway.

"Calm down. It's ok." She says trying to comfort me.

"But what if his mom answer's the door? Would she let me in at 8 o'clock?"

"Don't worry. Call him, and tell him to answer the door."

"You and your stupid fucking answers." I grumble pulling the Sidekick out of my pocket.

I flipped the screen and punched out a quick text.

'**Hey. We're here. Open the door.'**

A minute later the front door opened.

I step out of the car, and Lana says, "Should I wait here?"

I shake my head, "There's this great coffee shop about a mile and a half down the road. Wait for me there."

"Okay. Have fun." She says with her special twinkle in her eye. She pulls out of the driveway, and I step up to Troy.

"Hi. Come in." I looked at Troy as he stepped aside. He was in a white tank top with red basketball shorts that said Wildcats on the leg. I walked inside and paused, not sure whether to go back to his room, or stay in the living room.

"You want something to drink?"

"Sorry, I don't drink. But in light of recent events, I just might start…"

"I meant do you want a coke?"

"Oh. Duh. Sure. Sorry."

He went into the kitchen and I cursed myself for being stupid. He came back holding two cold cokes. He handed me one and our fingers brushed slightly. I jerked back, dropping my coke. It hit the floor, busting.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" I say, and the coke spews all over the floor. He rushed over and grabbed a towel. I grabbed one too and we started cleaning up the coke. And again, somehow our hands brush. Well more accurately, Troy's hand was on top of mine. I looked up, and into his deep emerald eyes.

He leaned closer, and let his lips rest softly on mine. He pulled back, and I moved forward, embracing the kiss deeply. His tongue touched my lips, begging for entrance. I parted for him, and then felt him explore my mouth. I slid my tongue in his mouth and felt every inch of his warm, wet entrance. I pulled back suddenly, leaving Troy in a blissful state.

"I'm sorry. This doesn't feel right. I shouldn't have come." I stood up, turned on my heel and left. I walked the short mile and a half to the coffee shop.

I walked inside and Lana stood up. I walked over to her, and sat down.

"So… What happened? I want the juicy details."

"Nothing. I felt nothing. We kissed and I felt nothing."

"Ok. Do you want me to take you home?"

I nod, and we get up and go to her car.

_You big dummy! You know you liked his lips touching yours! And you know you want more!_

**No. It's wrong. I like girls. I felt nothing. He is just a stupid fag.**

_If he is one, you are too! You liked it that's why you leaned in when he started pulling back!_

**No. I just wanted to see how far he would go.**

_More like how far until you get scared because you know you have feelings for him._

**I DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR TROY!!!!**

"Are you ok?" Lana asked me as we pulled into my driveway.

"Yeah. Just thinking."

"Oh. Well it was nice seeing you again."

"Yeah. Call me next weekend and we can make some plans."

"Cool."

I climbed out of the car, and walked into my house. My parents were gone. Most likely, on yet another one of their 'vacations.' I walked into the kitchen, and immediately grabbed everything I would need. The hipnotiq, coke and some other clear alcohol. I mixed everything in my cup and slowly drank it. I emptied my glass and refilled it, as my head got fuzzy. Glass after glass, my head got foggier.

After my fourth glass, I lost count. After a while, I felt nothing.

I woke up in my bed, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I looked out of my window. Still dark. I look at my clock. It read: 4:32.

_Ok. I have only been asleep a couple hours._

I looked at my phone. 17 new messages. _Crap, people. Get a life!_ I pushed skip, and I looked at the date. 09/22/08. _Haha the test was on the 22__nd__. The teacher fuzzed up._ I looked underneath the date. Monday.

_NO! What happened to Sunday?! I must have slept through it. Damn._ I got up and then the headache appeared. It was so overwhelming, I had to lay back down. I got up when I figured it wasn't going away. I stumbled to my bathroom, scattering the pills. I grabbed the Advil and popped four into my mouth. I swallowed dry, and stumbled to the kitchen. I shuffled through the fridge and found some kool-aid. I grabbed a cup and drained four of them.

I clambered back to my room and stripped. I climbed into the shower, and let the steaming streams flow over my body. I stood there for about an hour, half sleeping. I climbed out and went back to my room, feeling better. I lay on my bed, wrapped in a towel. I drifted back into the unconscious realm.

I walked through the hallway with everyone staring at me. I wondered what they were looking at, so I went to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. The word, 'FAG' was branded on my forehead.

I screamed and jerked upright. I touched my forehead, feeling only little beads of water. A few seconds later, my alarm went off. I cut it off and headed for my closet. I picked a black Hollister shirt, black tight jeans, and my black Puma's. I walked out of my house almost two hours early for school. I needed to do some heavy thinking. I new the perfect place to go…


	3. Yoooooooooo! :

To my amazing readers...

IM SOOOOO SUPER SORRY! My life had taken a turn for the worst, but now I am back! And i read over some of my stories, and I realized how many errors I had, so! My new plan is to re-write, re-make, and completely re-vamp, the majority of them. Aaaand since I'm no longer troubled, I will actually have the time for this. And I shall be starting with.... *drum roll* The New Riders! Yay....

Now, assuming the site will let me, I will be posting this onto all of my stories. and, as a bonus, because im so overly sorry, i shall be updating all of my other stories as well. (:

With love,

Your Insanely Sorry Author,

Peter.


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